The Worst Beer Ever: The Search Continues

Blah, blah, blah, election. Blah, blah, blah, change. Blah, Blah, Blah, Obama.

Now that that's out of the way, and we have a good replacement for our nation's first high-functioning moron, let's get back to beer. Actually now that I think about it, this is the perfect time to focus on one of my beer goals, to try all the worst beers in the world as a way to see the worst president out the door.

I don't typically choose or prefer to drink bad beer, but I have the same sort of sick fascination as some people have with death. It's the polar opposite of what I love, good beer. And I feel by better understanding that by understanding the ying of beer, I better know the yang.

At this point the two worst beers I've identified, thanks to sites like BeerAdvocate.com, are Corona Light and Evil Eye, a malt liquor (yes that counts as beer) brewed in Wisconsin. The Corona will be easy to pick up, but the Evil Eye will have to wait until I'm in the Midwest this winter.

Here are a few choice comments on the terrible two.

Corona Light:

"Smell: wet cardboard"

"A flavorless aqueous solution of millet and assorted birdfeed by-products"

"Not drinkable by a longshot, a definite pour and brush my teeth beer."


Evil Eye:

"cloyingly sweet creamed corn with burning alcohol in the throat is enough to make one gag"

"24 oz is a marathon to get down when you are drinking liquid ass"

"rotten white grape and green apple come through, and it is just plain bad"


See what I have to look forward to? On my march to the bottom of the barrel, I recently imbibed a a fairly awful beer. Though based on desciptions, I wouldn't put it the same class as Evil Eye.


Dixie Beer
Dixie Brewing Co.
American Macro Lager

C- / 2.7
look: 3.5 | smell: 2.5 | taste: 2.5 | feel: 2.5 | drink: 2.5

Picked up a bottle at Liberty St. Tavern out of curiosity. In my pint glass it looked a clear straw gold, while a quickly disappearing head.

OK, so this beer basically tastes like someone took a batch of over-cooked corn and baked it. DMS and the corn/vegetable taste dominate, but there's a toasted biscuit note that at least makes this beer a little interesting. I'd really only recommend this beer to Rolling Rock fans, and people that really like corn.

Cheers to the NYC Marathon

Being a running dork in addition to a bike dork, last Sunday morning I took a break from eating leftover Halloween candy (and feeling kind of guilty, but not really) to watch the NYC Marathon online. Yes, not only do I like watching skinny, hairless men bike around Europe in colorful spandex, but I also enjoy watching skinny, scantily-clad men and women chasing each other around city streets.

Anyways. I saw a few things of note during the race worth raising a glass of beer. Here's to you, various parts of the marathon.

-Paula Radcliffe crushes the women's field. Leading nearly the entire race, she slowly turned the screws to drop the competition one by one.

-Kara Goucher is the first American woman to podium since 1990 and makes the fastest female American marathon debut ever. Some people only pay attention to Kara because she's cute. But in addition to that, she also generally rocks (like when she kicked Paula's ass at her post-pregnancy comeback race last year).

-Borat makes an appearance. I don't know how someone can endure 26.2 miles of the uber-banana hammock, but props to the man that can. Props also go to the guy red jersey conveniently covers Borat's ass.

I'm sure many more notable things happened in the course of Sunday's race, so the folks that enjoyed them and those I've listed here's a beer review to you. Something perfect for relaxing after a morning of pounding pavement.

Blanche De Chambly
Unibroue
Witbier

B+ / 3.95
look: 4 | smell: 3.5 | taste: 4 | feel: 4 | drink: 4.5

Poured into a basic red wine glass. The body is a hazy straw yellow with a fluffy white head and lacing. This beer is a great example of a light, but complex beer. Sweet bready malts dominate the flavor, but notes of vanilla and allspice pop in and out. The wheat taste isn't as raw as Hoegaarden, and the aroma is a bit faint, but this is still a top-notch wit. Certainly worth trying.

Oskar Blues: Casket full of beer. Yum.

I get a lot of press releases from breweries and most of it's just updates about brewery expansions and seasonal ale releases. This stuff's exciting to a beer nerd like me, but generally I keep it to myself. Considering Halloween is upon us, and that I actually think this news is worth mentioning. Here's something cool from Oskar Blues (brewers of Dale's Pale Ale).

Hello US Beer Press,

This Halloween, Friday, October 31, Oskar Blues is serving up a unique "casket-conditioned" beer for our annual Halloween party in Lyons, Colorado.

The unique beer will be served from a coffin dispenser we found buried in the hills above town.

Okay, actually the casket was built for us by Jack, our resident carpenter/folk artist whose homespun roots musician portraits decorate our Lyons dining room.

From this custom-made casket we'll be serving Rest in Peace Ale (aka RIPA). It's a special version of Dale's Pale Ale that we wet hopped with fresh Warrior hops flown in from the northwest.

The ghoulishly good and hoppy beer gets tapped on Friday at 11 AM. We have just two kegs of it, so beer fiends should stop by Friday and get it before the kegs get laid to rest.

The attached photo shows one of our savvy brewers, Eric Huber, pouring a round from this spooky keg box.

Friday night we're also hosting a haunted house for the kids and a costume contest for young and old.

Maybe this is something for you to cover? Holler if you'd like more information, and thank you for any coverage you can do on this.

Speaking of scary treasures, here is the late, incredibly great madman himself, Screamin' Jay Hawkins:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGPhpvqtOc .

Cheers,

Marty Jones
Oskar Blues Brewery

I'd insert a review of Dale's Pale Ale here, if I could, but something funny always happens. Whenever one can of Dale's gets opened, it's followed shortly by another, and suddenly it's all gone and I don't have the time to write a review. Just trust me is damn tasty stuff.

Stupid ideas and beer.

This last weekend I ran/walked the Marine Corps Marathon. It was a bad idea. It was a stupid idea. I'd been off any type of marathon training plan for months and my IT band was acting up.

But I have no regrets. In fact, I have a soft spot for stupid ideas when then involve athleticism. My only complaint from the weekend was that the marathon was on Sunday and I had to get my celebrating in early, on Saturday.

Being in D.C., there was only one place to celebrate a stupid achievement before it even happened - The Brickskeller. In addition to having a lovely basement pub ambiance, the Brickskeller also claims to have the largest beer selection in the U.S. (second in the world to the Kulminator in Belgium). I did happen to ask for nine beers that they didn't have in stock, but I still had a few good - or at least interesting - brews.


Firestone Pale Ale
Firestone Walker Brewing Co.
American Pale Ale

B+ / 4
look: 4 | smell: 3.5 | taste: 4 | feel: 4.5 | drink: 4.5

Ordered a bottle with my Brick's Ale Burger at the Brickskeller. The body is a clear straw yellow with a white head and lacing. I know many hold this up as one of the great pale ales, and I'm inclined to agree when you consider the whole package. It holds nearly the same depth of hop flavor as Sierra Nevada, but with a lighter body it's much more drinkable. The malts have a light bready malt taste, that's matched first by piney, citrus hops, and then later a spicy, long-lasting aftertaste. How this beer drinks actually reminds me of a good English bitter, for the ability to hold complex flavors in a light and highly sessionable beer.


Stary Melnik Krepkoye
Pivovariya Moskva-Efes ZAO
Euro Pale Lager

C+ / 3.1
look: 3.5 | smell: 2.5 | taste: 3 | feel: 3.5 | drink: 3.5

AKA Stary Melnik Strong. Ordered a bottle at the Brickskeller... after they were out of the first nine beers I asked for. Anyways.

The flavor reminds me of peppermint and sweet bread. The appearance is a clear gold with a white head and there are no brewing flaws in the aroma or flavors. It was an interesting beer to try but I wouldn't order it again. The odd yeast character and malts are "ok" but not entirely pleasant. It's certainly worth a try for something different and not a bad beer.

Beer Reviews: Fall = Dark Beer = Yum

It's fall. It's getting cold. I have to wear pants. And it's time for some dark beer. Here are a few of the better ones I've had recently.

Happy drinking.


The Famous Taddy Porter
Samuel Smith's Old Brewery
English Porter

A / 4.3
look: 4 | smell: 4 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4.5 | drink: 4.5

Has a bottle with my bison at Craft in Victory Park, Dallas. Served in a wide pilsner glass. Appears, in the lower light, pitch black with a tan head.

Man, what a beer. Rich chocolate with toffee and a bit of mocha java around the edges. The aroma is full of the same candy and cocoa flavors and the aftertaste has a hint of herbal hops to it. This is easily the best English porter, maybe just porter, I've had. Damn.

Black Mamba
Bear Republic Brewing Co.
Belgian Dark Ale

B+ / 3.95
look: 4 | smell: 4 | taste: 4 | feel: 3.5 | drink: 4

On-tap at the Farmhouse. Served in a pint glass, this appears dark brown with a tan head.

The aroma reminds me immediately of Chimay Blue, which is certainly a good thing. It's just a touch sweeter than traditional Belgians, but it's by no means in line with the sticky messes that many American brewers are putting out. It finishes dry with clove and dried fruit on top of a mellow, roasty base. Overall, this is a mighty fine Belgian and worth trying.


Delirium Nocturnum
Brouwerij Huyghe
Belgian Strong Dark Ale

A- / 4.05
look: 4 | smell: 4 | taste: 4 | feel: 4 | drink: 4.5

Picked up a 24.9 oz bottle at Key Foods in Astoria. Pours a murky brown into my glass with a tall tan head.

Ah, it's weird like any good Belgian. More so than your average Belgian too, I get a slight peppermint note in the finish. Otherwise there's a very earthy yeast character up front with molasses and dates to follow. The body is very drinkable and this is a beer to try if you like dark Belgians. It almost reminds me of strange weizenbock. Anyways, good beer here.

Tour de France Dopers: Fuck Those Guys, I'm Having a Beer

For all it's flaws, divas (see Cadel Evans, and again), and rampant cheating, I still love professional cycling. And even with this year's hullabaloo about cleaner and reformed racing, we're still getting positive test results from the tour and I'm still getting pissed off. Yeah it's great the a-holes are getting caught, but damn them for trying in the first place. This week word came out that Bernard Kohl, winner of the mountain classification, teammate to TdF time trial winner/recently caught doper Stefan Schumacher, and ugliest mug in the peloton, doped his way onto the Tour de France podium. The piece of crap.

For anyone wondering. That's Schumacher in the yellow leaders jersey. The man on his left resembling Bat Boy is Kohl. Whatever. It's time for a good beer. Here's what I'd recommend:

Maredsous 10
Brouwerij Duvel Moortgat
Belgian Tripel

A / 4.45
look: 4.5 | smell: 4 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4.5 | drink: 5

Beyond all else, this beer has incredible balance. American Belgians often have too much sweetness or fruit, while lesser Belgian imports lack complexity. This beer is right on for the style with it's citrus flavors, glassy hops, and touch of corriander. It's a rich, balanced flavor with no hint of 10% abv. There are a lot of beers where I say I could drink it all night long, this is a beer I would DEMAND all night long if available. Go buy this beer now.

Good Beer Review: Duck-Rabbit Baltic Porter

I love it when a beer lives up to the hype and expectations. I also love Baltic Porters, so this beer was a real win-win situation. Check it out.

Oh, these guys also win the award for most awkward looking label.

Baltic Porter
The Duck-Rabbit Craft Brewery
Baltic Porter

A- / 4.2
look: 4 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 4 | feel: 4.5 | drink: 4.5

Whoa man, this is a heck of an aroma - rich with milk and dark chocolate, smokey wood, raspberries, sweet cherries, java, and bubblegum. The flavor has a little trouble standing up to such a high standard, but it hangs in there with a predominantly smooth Swiss chocolate taste that reminds me of Southern Tier Choklat. Yum. There's also slight black pepper note, roasted barley, along with sour cherry (though not a big tart feel), and licorice. The body is a bit thick, but oh so smooth and tasty. This beer is a must-try for fans of big, dark beers.