Crimes Against Beer: Heineken Ignorance

While avoiding work earlier this week, a post on BeerAdvocate brought to light criminally ignorant beer knowledge being sold on the Heinekem website:

What is lager?
Lager is a generic name for all sorts of light-colored beers. The name comes from Germany and means “stored” beer. Strangely enough it is not brewed in Germany but is found almost exclusively in English-speaking countries.

Somewhere in the heavens The Beer Gods are crying. Off in Germany, brewers are spitting their lager in disgust. And me, well, I'm just shaking my head in disgust. This is why you let PR people handle vital information.

For anyone wondering, here's the skinny from Wikipedia:

Lager is distinguished from ale by its yeast. Lager yeast ferments at colder temperatures and flocculates on the bottom of the fermenting vessel, while ale yeast ferments at warmer temperatures and settles on the tops of fermentation tanks. The organism most often associated with lager brewing is Saccharomyces pastorianus, a close relative of Saccharomyces cerevisiae.

Basically it's one of two types of yeast strains used for making beer. It's still made in great abundance in Germany, as well as the rest of the world. In fact, I read recently that about 95% of all beer in the world is lager.

Here's a quick run-down of my take on the infamous green-bottled beer:

Heineken Lager
Heineken International
Euro Pale Lager

C / 2.95
look: 3 | smell: 2.5 | taste: 3 | feel: 3 | drink: 3.5

When fresh and not skunked, this isn't too bad a beer. Unfortunately, the signature green bottles don't block out light like brown glass, and UV rays trash the beautiful hop oils. Otherwise it's inoffensive, light and a bit fruity. Not too much adjunct flavor or flaws like corny DMS, but also almost no trace of malt or hops. Easy drinking and I wouldn't refuse a free one, but it'll be a cold day in hell when I pay for one.